Thursday, April 17, 2014

Rejection, Part II: Ex History

In my second post on rejection, I'd like to write about some rejections I've personally doled out. Today, children, you will be learning about my ex history.

I'm a very lucky girl with a wonderful husband, but I certainly have been unlucky with love in the past. Recently, a few individuals from my romantic history have made it into my general internet news feeds and I thought it would be interesting to discuss some data points regarding those old relationships.




NAME: Professor Dumpster, although I knew him as Dr. Jeff
TIME: 2010-ish, for a couple months
BIO: Environmental science Professor, divorcé, father
DETAILS: Dr. Jeff was one of my first "successful" OKCupid experiences. We went on a couple of dates and I had a decent time. He would take his shoes off at bars, which didn't bother me so much as I, too, like being barefoot. (I'm barefoot right now!) The distinction here is that I would take my shoes off in a bar while sitting down. He, however, took his shoes off and walked around the bar, played pool, ordered a drink, etc. all while barefoot.
REJECTION REASON: The deal breaker for me was when he said he had a daughter that lived in Brazil and that he was happy he didn't have to deal with the normal aspects of being a father, like bed-wetting, sadness, or sickness. I definitely needed someone in my life who could handle all three of those things.
REJECTION METHOD: I just stop answering his texts, emails, phone calls, etc.




NAME: Barrett Brown
TIME: 2007-ish, various make-out sessions
BIO: Journalist, federal prisoner, friend of a friend
DETAILS: Barrett was the best friend of someone who could only be described as an ex-boyfriend, although I don't think we "technically dated." I frequently found myself angrily flirting with Barrett (you know how young girls are) and several times we would make out and then be mean to each other. One particular time, he invited me back to his hotel room. Instead of going in, we made out in my car and I left.
REJECTION REASON: He doesn't brush his teeth and I was trying to be respectful to the guy I was "dating."
REJECTION METHOD: Driving away slowly.



NAME: "Big Tex"
TIME: 2008-ish, for several months
BIO: Artist, cowboy, schizophrenic
DETAILS: I truly enjoyed this relationship. There's not much better for a wild girl in her early twenties than a cute and crazy cowboy who treats her the way a purdy lady should be treated. We drank, we danced, and he visited me nearly every weekend in Austin for fun-tastic events.
REJECTION REASON: He asked me for a hammer and said he wanted to wear my skin over his skeleton during what could only be described as a schizophrenic, drunken episode.
REJECTION METHOD: Kicking him out of my house during a scheduled visit. Having said that, we gave it another go several more times after this incident, but things kept getting crazier and crazier.

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