Monday, July 22, 2013

The Ex-Factor

BBC lost his wallet this weekend while on tour. Fortunately, he didn't have much inside in terms of cash or credit cards, but since he will be flying home, he began to worry about a lack of ID. After searching TSA flight requirements, I started looking for his birth certificate. My important documents are pretty well organized, and while Brandon has an organization system of his own, all his important documents and sentimental memorabilia are jumbled together into one collapsing cardboard box. No doubt, I found his paperwork along with hundreds of photographs of the many, many bands he's been in and a litany of smiling ex-girlfriends. While I knew half of the girls, I was seeing the other half for the first time; cute kissing pics, thin girls/chubby girls, lots of golden skin and dark hair. I think there's something to be said about a man with a diverse ex background. Looking through my own past, the only unifying factor between my exes is "assholey". Then it happened, I saw the one picture that would cause me emotional distress.

What's the consensus on keeping pictures of exes? I have purposely kept a couple from each relationship, but usually get rid of the overly romantic or snapshot-type photos almost as soon as I end a relationship. I've never been the girl to tear his face out of a picture, but things ended for a reason and that one photo of us looking happy in a dismal relationship is not the one I keep for posterity. In my last relationship, Mr. Ex made a big deal about the photos of my exes that I had on my hard drive while he still had every picture from his wedding day saved in an album. Memories are memories and I think a relationship should be strong enough to thumb through your photographic past. After all, isn't it our past that paved the way for who we are today and our ability to have a superior relationship with our current partner?

So, having said that, how should an emotionally-stable woman in a loving relationship with a considerate and caring fiance react to seeing a busted looking, Tijuana hooker-eqsue ex sprawled naked in all the glory of a glossy 3x4 photograph?! Well, I did what any sensible lady would do and immediately texted him a snapshot of it and asked who it was. Before he could answer, I of course also texted my GFs (nudie pic not included) about the discovery. Brandon handled it pretty well. He told me who it was and told me to throw it away. And that's when the crazy started to settle into my brain...

I haven't thrown the picture away! Well, actually, I did but then fished it out of the garbage to have another peek and have yet to throw it away. All night, I couldn't stop thinking about it and looking at it. This ex of BBC's is a very beautiful girl. I've never been threatened by her, but rather have a lot of compassion for her troubled life, but ultimately know that her struggle is due to melodramatic, bad decisions and would appreciate it if she would rescue herself instead of asking my sweetie to pick her up from rehab and/or jail. So, why was I obsessing over this terribly unflattering photo of her?! Did I want to punish BBC, saving it so I could rub his nose in it the way you would training a dog not to poop in the house?! And then it came to me...

I'm a sicko!!! Granted, I'm a highly functioning, self-reflective, happy sicko, but I'm a sicko nonetheless and I love looking at a picture of Brandon's beautiful ex-girlfriend looking like a busted, Tijuana hooker and knowing that he upgraded. Ain't love grand?! Dear lord, grant me the strength to be the bigger person and throw this nudie pic away!

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