Monday, July 22, 2013

The Ex-Factor

BBC lost his wallet this weekend while on tour. Fortunately, he didn't have much inside in terms of cash or credit cards, but since he will be flying home, he began to worry about a lack of ID. After searching TSA flight requirements, I started looking for his birth certificate. My important documents are pretty well organized, and while Brandon has an organization system of his own, all his important documents and sentimental memorabilia are jumbled together into one collapsing cardboard box. No doubt, I found his paperwork along with hundreds of photographs of the many, many bands he's been in and a litany of smiling ex-girlfriends. While I knew half of the girls, I was seeing the other half for the first time; cute kissing pics, thin girls/chubby girls, lots of golden skin and dark hair. I think there's something to be said about a man with a diverse ex background. Looking through my own past, the only unifying factor between my exes is "assholey". Then it happened, I saw the one picture that would cause me emotional distress.

What's the consensus on keeping pictures of exes? I have purposely kept a couple from each relationship, but usually get rid of the overly romantic or snapshot-type photos almost as soon as I end a relationship. I've never been the girl to tear his face out of a picture, but things ended for a reason and that one photo of us looking happy in a dismal relationship is not the one I keep for posterity. In my last relationship, Mr. Ex made a big deal about the photos of my exes that I had on my hard drive while he still had every picture from his wedding day saved in an album. Memories are memories and I think a relationship should be strong enough to thumb through your photographic past. After all, isn't it our past that paved the way for who we are today and our ability to have a superior relationship with our current partner?

So, having said that, how should an emotionally-stable woman in a loving relationship with a considerate and caring fiance react to seeing a busted looking, Tijuana hooker-eqsue ex sprawled naked in all the glory of a glossy 3x4 photograph?! Well, I did what any sensible lady would do and immediately texted him a snapshot of it and asked who it was. Before he could answer, I of course also texted my GFs (nudie pic not included) about the discovery. Brandon handled it pretty well. He told me who it was and told me to throw it away. And that's when the crazy started to settle into my brain...

I haven't thrown the picture away! Well, actually, I did but then fished it out of the garbage to have another peek and have yet to throw it away. All night, I couldn't stop thinking about it and looking at it. This ex of BBC's is a very beautiful girl. I've never been threatened by her, but rather have a lot of compassion for her troubled life, but ultimately know that her struggle is due to melodramatic, bad decisions and would appreciate it if she would rescue herself instead of asking my sweetie to pick her up from rehab and/or jail. So, why was I obsessing over this terribly unflattering photo of her?! Did I want to punish BBC, saving it so I could rub his nose in it the way you would training a dog not to poop in the house?! And then it came to me...

I'm a sicko!!! Granted, I'm a highly functioning, self-reflective, happy sicko, but I'm a sicko nonetheless and I love looking at a picture of Brandon's beautiful ex-girlfriend looking like a busted, Tijuana hooker and knowing that he upgraded. Ain't love grand?! Dear lord, grant me the strength to be the bigger person and throw this nudie pic away!

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Lady Thoughts

Hot damn, it's been a while since I've blogged! Things have been hectic in my world:
  • My sweetie was back home for the 4th of July and we had an excellent week together before he went back on the road for another two week tour. This time he's out with Trail of Dead and having a blast! I've been enjoying my quiet time at home doing chores, spring cleaning, and watching lots of Netflix. My ladies, of course, have been keeping me lots of company too. Which leads me to my next bullet point.
  • Last week, for our July movie night, we watched the Lifetime biopic of Anna Nicole Smith. It was exceptional, and since then I've remembered how much I loved Anna Nicole Smith. TrimSpa, baby! I started watching her old reality TV show, and while it is much worse than I remember, I still recommend you watch the Lifetime movie. Letty actually cried; it's that good

  • In more ladies night news, last night was an epic girls night at Trailer Space. Spot is out of town, so the boys' normal poker night was moved. Liz was running the shop and called the gaggle of girls over. I did some manicures and Liz picked out great tunes (we had a Brittany Spears hour), but it was the TSpace dudes that really outdid themselves. Niack brought roses for all the ladies, Tonucci funded a girls round of Cee-Lo, Mex catered with fancy cheeses and chocolates, and they all were popping bottles of the pinkest champagne. Even Mac got in on the action by welcoming our new arrivals with fresh glasses of bubbles. 

Round one: Lady shots!

Niack, treatin' the gals like princesses

Totes MexMode

Cee-Lo baby. I picked up $12 this round

  • Since the TSpace boys have their "Shirts-off Saturdays", we felt it was only fair that we got to go shirtless at girls night. Surprisingly, I have experienced few things as liberating and confidence-boosting as standing around in your bra (or topless for those few brave gals) with  lady friends (We kicked the boys out for this part, of course!). Everybody had nothing but great things to say about each other's boobies and we really relished the diversity. It certainly was nothing like those Lifetime sorority movies with magic markers and the walk of shame. We had our magic markers, alright, but ours were used to write awesome things and draw kitty cat faces on each other's bellies.
  • Ugh, y'all! It feels like the world is going nuts. After weeks of fighting at the capital with all the amazing ladies of Texas, I felt so emotionally exhausted after the passing of the anti-abortion legislation. I certainly don't feel defeated, but rather am very motivated to make things better. I haven't been politically active since Dennis Kucinich's Presidential bid in 2004, and I think I am 10 years overdue for some civil disobedience. Sisters are doing it for themselves!
  • Now, let's talk about legs. Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs, to be exact. I recently saw many blog posts suggesting that all summer brides skip the panty hose and go full blast on the leg makeup. I was intrigued and thought I would test it out, so I bought a bottle in the lightest shade. This stuff is pretty damn great, girls! Granted, it looked a little funny with my hairy legs, since I don't shave, but if I'm ever vain enough to shave my pasty stems, then I would certainly put on a full coat of this golden spray.