It may (or may not) be known that I'm riddled with diseases:
Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease
Palisaded Nuetrophilic and Granulomatous Dermatitis
They're all autoimmune disorders and kind of clump together naturally. Over the last couple of years, however, my doctor has been treating me for uncharacterized muscle pain. Basically, on top of all the other issues I have, I also have sporadic and intense muscle pains. I've always been apprehensive to call if Fibromyalgia even though my doctor does. I grew up with a girl who had Fibromyalgia in high school. She and I shared the same at-home teacher when we had extended absences due to medical issues and I just never felt like I related to her disease. I still don't feel a connection to Fibro, but this week has changed that.
I stopped taking one of my designer neurological drugs that basically stops my brain from sending painful nerve impulses to my muscles. It's expensive and I was trying to cut corners on my purchases this month, which was just plain dumb. (I'm a stubborn girl and I hate the idea of being hooked on a medication forever.) Anyhow, now I'm crying as I type this. The pain is awful!!!!
What does Fibromyalgia feel like? Just my skirt brushing up against my hip causes so much intense pain; like a bruise that is deep and down to the bone, like rubbing alcohol is coursing through my veins and causing a burning sensation through my muscles, like an intense sunburn that hurts to be touched even with a feather. On top of all that, my joints are swollen, I have crampy belly pains, and am just overall exhausted; completely spent.
So what's the point of this post? I need to vent. I need to cry. I need to have some self-pity and feel like I put up with more adversity than my peers. And then... I need to move the hell on, be a strong little sick girl, suck it up and accept that I will be on complex medications for the rest of my life, relish my many happy and healthy moments, thank my amazing girlfriends for understanding my issues and being so supportive and caring, and be thankful that my BF is sweeter and more caring than any man I've ever known. I should relish in my fortune rather than my misfortune.
So, in summary.... fuck your myalgia. Friends, thank you for being understanding when I cancel plans at the last minute with a simple, "I'm tired" or "I just don't feel well." Thank you for continuing to invite me out after multiple cancellations. I do want to join in on the fun, but can't always do so when I feel bad. And with that, I will now be rushing to the pharmacy to get back on my medication and to load up on pain pills.