Friday, March 30, 2012

Rick, Rick, Rick

Last night my BFF told me that he met Jay-Z at El Chilito. This "meeting" apparently happened Wednesday night whenever I flaked out on beer and tacos with JJ, Adrienne, and Sam. Of course I didn't believe him at first, but we do live in Austin and I figured it was completely possible since Jay-Z was in town a few weeks ago. I believed the sighting was even more possible when he "future lied" on behalf of Adrienne and told me to just ask her for verification.

I couldn't care less about meeting Jay-Z, but shit got real whenever I asked if a formerly overweight, 50 year old bearded man in Crocs was eating tacos with Jay-Z. John said yes!!!! The point of my story...... I WILL "unfriend" you in real life (not just in the internet world) if you meet/see/smell Rick Rubin without letting me know. Sure, I was too tired and lazy to get off my sweaty ass and bike over to tacos, but had I known Rick Rubin was there I would have been putting on makeup and teasing my hair while pedaling my tired little legs over. The heart wants what it wants and nothing (include a diabolical case of vaginal gangrene) would have stopped me from my furry, old man, hip-hop crush.

Jay-Z and Rick flying high

After spending several minutes explaining to JJ the seriousness of his offense, he admitted he was lying. In more upsetting news, I'm only three degrees of separation from Rick Rubin. Here's my flow chart:

Me with an ex, a confirmed beard enthusiast
Billy Gibbons is a friend of
Austin Facial Hair Club
Rick Rubin is producing the new ZZ Top album
Rick, Rick, Rick with LD at the Oscars. I know, I know....
we look pretty great!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Weekend Welcome!

I'm counting down the days until my weekend begins, and it's gonna be a big one!

Originally, I had hoped to be able to attend the 2012 Mutter Ball in Philadelphia. Sweet Shannon said she would bus in from NYC and attend with me, but my lack of organization got the better of me and I spent all my travel monies. I'm still mourning the loss of that job :( .

Missing the Mutter Ball, however, is completely made up for by Bernadette's party in honor of the 17th anniversary of the death of Selena. I have been looking forward to this party for about 17 years now! I'm a Houston girl and a BIG Selena fan. Just last month I had a ladies Selena movie night and Letty and I sang every single song. I remember Selena's performances at the Houston Rodeo, listening to all the girls in choir sing her songs, and watching auditions for the movie at the Astrodome when I was in the 6th grade and wishing, desperately, that I looked more like Selena than Peppermint Patty. Finally, on Saturday, I can pretend to be Selena with other white girls! I've already started working on my outfit and am making great use of the rhinestones leftover from my Bar Mitzvah. Here is my inspiration:

It takes 3 pairs of high-waisted, control top pantyhose to equal 1 pair of Selena pants! Beware, the little amount of ass I have will be on display in epic form. (I'm 100% considering the use of accentuating pads.)

In last minute news, it looks like I will be going to San Antonio tomorrow with the "accidental boyfriend" for a quick getaway. I haven't actually been to San Antonio other than just passing through on the way to Fiesta Texas, so I'm a little excited about it. However, I have no clue what is up his sleeve, so that is a little worrisome. My dream getaway includes swimming and booze, so I'm pretty easy to please.

Sunday marks payday and words cannot express how excited I am about that. I have a huge laundry list (including laundry) of payday chores I've been putting off and I can't wait to finally TCB.

UPDATE: Selena party was a blast!!!! Here's a pic of my costume

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Weezy Wednesday

It drives me absolutely insane to have songs stuck in my head! This one has been playing over and over again for weeks:

Which brings me to Weezy Wednesday:

In more Weezy related personal facts, I'm completely obsessed with WhatShouldWeCallMe. Here is a good one featuring 'Lil Wayne:

When your ex says that they still want you

Monday, March 26, 2012

Bunny Ears

Apparently, I give my friends bunny ears while they cover their faces:

With Gina at Broken Arrows, Oct. 24, 2011

With Stayten at Clementine, March 12, 2012

Video Girl

Well, it's true what they say... the camera does add 10lbs, but fortunately for me it was all added to my tits. Look at my bouncing dance in the new Golden Boys video. Hey mum, I'm a video girl!

Friday, March 23, 2012

My Lifetime Movie

I love Lifetime movies. I wouldn't even say it's a guilty pleasure, because I don't have the slightest qualm about the melodramatic, sexual, and feminist qualities these movies posses. It's just pure genius and lots of fun. That being said, I've always kept an eye out on celebrities that I would cast for a made for TV Lifetime movie about my life. Here's my cast:

Barbara Hershey as my mum

Zack Galifianakis as my best guy friend, JJ

Fionna Apple as Karen

Selma Blair as Beth

Zooey Deschanel as Alison

Claire Danes as Gina

Tina Fey as Julia

Leelee Sobieski as Stayten

Sara Rue as Pam

It's an all-star cast with Mandy Moore playing yours truly!!

Hollywood LD?

Did I leave you out? Wanna be in my movie? Who would play you? Leave a pic of your actress/actor in my comments. (C'mon, it'll be fun!)

Here are some clips for my all time favorite Lifetime movies:
Before she was having vampire babies, Kristen Stewart was being date raped and drawing trees in Speak:

A syphillis outbreak cause all hell to break loose at the high school in She's Too Young:


Too little too late, but here are all my pics from SXSW:

With Adam Duritz from Counting Crows?

Enjoying Patron XO Cafe and coconut milk with Em

Mini bike gang: LD and JJ

Yea-Ming, AT, LD
Orgasm, Rollercoaster, Mad

Yea-Ming, AT, LD
Cows, Tigers, Scared

Just goes to show I was having too much fun to document "life."

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Tuesday Tidbits

Last week was nuts, but that's how SXSW always goes. It feels very nice to be back to the regularity of work and the relaxation of routine. So, keeping with tradition, here are my Tuesday tidbits:

  • Jessica, JJ, and I all agree that the new Taco Joint near campus is delicious. Nothing makes me happier than a creamy, green, mild salsa and they have a great one! JJ puts their tacos on the top of his very, very short list of great tacos and Jessica is in love with the fish taco. Personally, I wish they served chips and salsa because their 5 different kinds are my main crave. Fresh, handmade tortillas and delicious meats... yum!
  • I know how horrible these shoes are, but that doesn't stop me from having wanted a pair from the first moment I saw them. Of course I would only wear them around my house and hidden underneath cowboy boots to save myself from the humiliation, but I still want a pair:

Vibram Five Fingers

  • I only had one houseguest during SXSW this year. Greg's GF, Yea-ming stayed with me for a couple of days and we hit it off immediately. I think he gave her a pretty good description and warning about me, so she knew exactly what to expect and we ran off to play as soon as she landed. I simply adore her and already wish she was back in Austin. Until my summer visit to Oakland/San Fran....

Yea-Ming, AT, and LD
Cow, Tiger, and Scared faces

  • While in town, Yea-Ming was promoting a movie she co-stars in, Daylight Savings. I went to the premier with BBC on Thursday and we both really liked it. To be honest, I've seen a lot of movies that my friends have either filmed, produced, written, or stared in and not all of them have been good. This one was great; cute, whimsical, and a completely believable and natural romantic comedy. I got a copy of the DVD as schwag and I'll certainly be watching it again.
  • For the upcoming Staff Appreciation Luncheon in my department, there will be a baby photo identification contest. Here's my submission.


  • Many of my friends know that I have been working my ass of for the last 5 years trying to get out of credit card debt. I maintain a pretty strict budget and have two jobs. The last two months, however, I've gone well over my budget (birthday and SXSW) and am feeling the pitch of my tightened purse strings. I currently don't have a single, whole dollar to my name until the 30th. On a brighter note, I did pay off another credit card and will be out of debt May 1st! 
  • Don't watch this video unless you want to vomit. TLC's My Strange Addiction featuring a pee drinker.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A Beyonce Moment

A Beyonce video montage chronicling my relationship status for the last year. Yes, I am that lame! XO

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Thursday Tidbits

  • I'm getting pretty excited about SXSW. Last year I was a mopey pants and didn't have near as much fun as I'm used to. This year will be completely different. I don't have any expectations except to eat free frito pie at Beerland every day, drink lots of free beers, and spend my days with my girls. Both Jamie and Audra will be coming in from Dallas and I'm very excited about Julia's enthusiasm to run around and play.
  • In more SXSW news, Julia signed up for RSVPster and added me as her +1, so I haven't had to RSVP to anything manually! The confirmations just keep rolling in and with the EventBrite app all I have to do is show up with my phone (this might actually be the most difficult part of the week).
  • I want this fake taxidermy goat that is selling for $2,900

  • How disgusting is it that I can't help myself when it comes to picking scabs? It's such a satisfying thing to do and I have a very gnarly one forming on my knee from last week's tumble.
  • I'm debating on whether I should take out the new wheels for SXSW, or go for the old bike, Gloria. I'm like that person who buys a brand new car and parks in the back of the parking lot taking up 4 spaces. I'm just terrified of her getting stolen.
  • The Raincoats are playing 35 this weekend and I want to go so badly. Both Jamie and Audra will be there, so it's even more tempting.

  • This Sunday I have a BFF play date with my 5 year old friend, Madilynne. She's adorable and we will be making our own pizzas, getting manicures, watching The Wizard of Oz at Alamo with some fancy milkshakes, playing with puppies at Austin Pets Alive, and anything else her little heart could desire. I'm totally stoked!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Wedding Days and Wedding Nights

This weekend was so much fun, I'm feeling sad to be back to reality.

I started the weekend on Thursday with the bachelorette/bachelor party. Dinner at Shad and Leigh's was delicious and I danced up a storm at Broken Spoke and White Horse afterwards. I don't think I've spun in circles so many times in one night without being hungover the next morning.

Bruce, Julie, Leigh, Bryan, Beth, and all our dirty dishes!

Bridget, Candice, Brittany


Wes likes'a the sauce'a

Gina and LD

Gina and Olive!

The crew started arriving in Austin on Friday with Roadhouse from Oakland, Brittany from San Francisco, and Alan and Tom from Houston. The ladies were pampered during the day with mani/pedis, we had a wonderful rehearsal dinner with Beth's father and family, followed by a good old fashioned drinking binge Friday night.

Shang photo booth
with Karen

Friday night I accidently tripped over a cable that was locking down a bench at Rio Rita and busted my knee, again! Jessica said it best when she said I fall too much.


Apparently, I play guitar with injured knees!

Saturday was hectic, to say the least. Everybody pulled together early in the morning to decorate and set-up. The Zilker Clubhouse looked absolutely gorgeous, along with the bride, Beth. I'll have to say, she certainly held herself together. The schedule was absolutely tight and she showed pure grace under fire. Of course, as the control-freak in our relationship, I felt like I was running around in the dark. Julia's cakes were delicious, Tom's BBQ was mouth watering, and the party was great! With so many of the League City crew in place, I felt like it was only appropriate for my toast to include our traditional celebration of shot-gunning beers to welcome Matt into our "family."

The 1st kiss

Brittany and LD

Stayten, LD, and Julia... look at this view!

I had the prettiest date there! Me and Jessica.

Mrs. and Mr. 

I'm so mad at myself for not taking more photos, especially one with Beth! I'll wait in anticipation with my fingers crossed that one of the professional photographers snapped something. It was one of the best wedding I've been to and I couldn't be happier for my bestie and her man.

Surely the party continued into the wee hours of the early morning, but I quickly retreated for some personal activities of my own. Like my dad said, "Is it true about the bridesmaids?" and I can only interpret that to mean that the single ones snatch up something on the side. It was the least I could do since I didn't catch the bouquet.

Sunday we said our farewells to the out-of-towners, but I still had Roadhouse for another day. We soaked up the sunshine and boozed it up. After a day of drinking, I went to bed early, but was still too busted to make it into work on Monday. So naturally, Monday turned into another sunny day of booze, massages, booze, chicken fried steak, and booze before sending Jeremy back to Oakland. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of him shortly.


Beth and Matt are honeymooning in Puerto Rico right now and I wish they would have taken us all with them. I wish the best for them and am so happy to have been a part of their special day. Until next weekend......

Here's my wedding theme song to get me through the upcoming week:

Story of My Life

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Wedding Fever

Macaroni and cheese, I'm excited! I think it's fair to say that the pre-wedding celebration has started. Beth and Matt will be getting married on Saturday and the guests are arriving in Austin from as nearby as Houston and San Antonio, to as far away as California and Dubai! Fortunately, I don't have to go further than Mopac.

Yesterday Roadhouse (AKA Jeremy) got into town from Oakland. It's been about 4 years since I last saw him and I forgot how much I love him! He's been away from Austin for about 6 years now and his "Texas is Hell" opinions have certainly changed. He was shocked that we didn't lock car doors when leaving the vehicle (even though it was still in sight) and he even thinks our "ghettos" look like a high-class sanctuary compared to the urban dump of Oakland. Our crackheads of 12th and Chicon are nothing to fear. I'm just going to go ahead and throw my prediction out there: $50 says he moves back within the next 4 months.

Last night only a few of us were able to welcome our Roadhouse. We met up at Clementine for some beers, which quickly turned into a group reunion over tacos at El Chilito. The party didn't last too long, since Jacob, JJ, Stayten, Sam, Adrienne, and I all had to work this morning, but I can't wait to leave the office and get some more Roadhouse action! Beer shot-gunning must commence.

Tonight is the bachelor/bachelorette party. I'm going to be honest, I'm a little disappointed by the couple's maturity in planning. I was hoping for shots, drag queens, strippers, and lots of penis-themed chotchkies and I'm pretty sure that the groom's boys were hoping for nearly the same. Instead, we will be having a lovely co-ed dinner party followed by a night of dancing at the Broken Spoke. It's going to be great and I can't wait to dance with the old men at the 'ole Spoke. There's an unspoken rule that you cannot turn down an invitation to dance and that makes this gal happy.

Oh, it's going to be a great weekend and I'm so happy to watch one of my bestest friends get married! While Beth and I grew up in the same city with all of the same friends, it wasn't until I moved to Austin 6 years ago that we met. It was an instant friendship and she's been like a sister to me ever since. I thought having her move to Austin this past May was good enough, but having Matt join our "family" is an added bonus. Congratulations you two!

Our 1st SXSW together, 2006 at the Roky Erickson ice
cream social. I've had a lifetime of fun with this bitch.
Love you, Beth!