Monday, December 5, 2011

Spinsterhood

My grandmother sent me an email today that primarily discussed her Christmas plans, but one sentence stood out amongst her words, "There are three spinsters now in my family: me, my cousin Betsey in San Antonio, and you." Apparently, months away from my 30th birthday and single after two 3 year relationships and one 9 year relationship I am doomed to a life of spinsterhood...

What is a spinster?

  • Wikipedia states that a spinster is a childless woman who has never been married. "For a woman to be identified as a spinster, age is critical. A 'spinster' is not simply a 'single' woman, but a woman who has not formed a human pair bond by the time she is approaching or has reached menopause and the end of her reproductive lifespan." Wikipedia also notes the following individuals as "famous spinsters": Susan Boyle, Susan B. Anthony, Ann Coulter, Condoleezza Rice, Lizzie Borden, Emily Dickinson, Florence Nightingale, Lillian Gish, Greta Garbo, and Jane Austen. I understand the concept of Wikipedia, but who comes up with this shit?! Let's learn a little bit about these women
    • Susan Boyle: unattractive Scottish lady who "sings like an angel" but looks like a troll
    • Susan B. Anthony: amazing woman and suffragette who shares the same birthdate as me
    • Ann Coulter: fucking cunt
    • Condoleezza Rice: former Secretary of State and uppity bitch
    • Lizzie Bordon: hatchet-yielding murderess
    • Emily Dickinson: reclusive poet
    • Florence Nightingale: lady-hating workaholic
    • Jane Austin: fantasized about romance rather than experiencing it
    • Lillian Gish and Greta Garbo: two beautiful and successful women who had their own money, power, and freedom

Lillian Gish

Greta Garbo

  • Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary defines spinster as a noun meaning: 1. a woman whose occupation is to spin 2a. archaic: an unmarried woman of gentle family 2b. an unmarried woman and especially past the common age for marrying 3. a woman who seems unlikely to marry
  • Here are some images that came up in my Google search for spinster:


...always dreaming of cats and Crocs

Jennifer Aniston?!


This is now my new screen saver

I replied to my grandmother's email with the following video:


Naturally, granny called me to tell me that she wasn't going to view the video because she thought it might have a virus.

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