Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Fatty Fears a Profile

I had a stressful day at work today, but not necessarily because I was overworked. Fortunately, I was able to bitch to my favorite colleagues and friends: Alison, Beth, Gina, Jennifer, Jessica, Julia, and Stayten (in alphabetical order). It was refreshing. I still feel the need to bitch about other issues... hence this post.

Instead of eating dinner, I observed the shape of my face in the mirror for nearly two hours. No matter how frequently I look at photos of my face on steroids, I can't stop myself from feeling like I still have a steroid face. Tomorrow I am going to take the time to find a photo of my fattest steroid face to compare it to my current face. I know my weight is now slimmer than before, but I can't help but seeing a cherub in the mirror. It really bothers me that I can't seem to move past this and I think it's really unfortunate that I had such a terrible and extended experience with steroids. I wonder if it would help me if I just carried around a photo of my fat face in my wallet. It's so disheartening to have an irrational fear with the knowledge that it's irrational. How do you fix an irrational thought?! Tomorrow I'm going to try wearing more mascara in hopes of resolution.

As much as I love my electronic cigarette, I'm a little annoyed. The light at the end does a strange blinking thing whenever you've had more than 5 puffs within a minute. The manual states that this is done to suggest that you stop smoking and determine if you really want more nicotine. YES!!! I really want more nicotine so stop this enforced pause and give it to me.

I feel absolutely exhausted! I'm off to bed and am going to force Cecilia to snuggle her mum regardless of the fact that she is currently snoring on the couch.

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