Friday, November 11, 2011

Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite

Can I just start off by saying....AAAAAAARGGGGGGHUGHGHGHUHUH! This week has been a hectic spectacle in both my office and life; I have bedbugs!

This all started back in September when I found a critter crawling on my desk. I smashed it with a tissue and called the University's Facilities Services, who came out and sprayed. Honestly, they came out and sprayed about 5 times and nothing really worked. I started collecting the buggies in a pill container for them to research and murder, but they never really seemed to take me seriously regardless of my weekly calls. On Monday I saw a bug in my desk, got very upset, searched on the internet, discovered the buggies that were renting out my desk drawer were bedbugs, and immediately called Facilities Services to throw a tantrum. The experts were in my office within 20 minutes! As the largest university in the country, with tens of thousands of students living in dormitories, they take bedbugs seriously. I was even able to insist that they send their experts out to my house to check there.

Here are some nutshell tidbits of my ordeal:

  • My office was treated last night by heating the entire room to 120 degrees. 
  • There's a bedbug sniffing dog (or so they say) and I was told I would get to pet it, but the pooch never showed.
  • My house has a very new and small infestation, but those adjectives mean nothing to me! One bug is one too many. I'm paying $750 to have my entire apartment heated to 120 degrees. I am going to ask the University to pay all or some of this sum, as I feel the cross-contamination could have been prevented had they taken me seriously before.
  • When the bug lady came to my house she told me she's never seen so many clothes before. This really, really embarrassed me. Although I've been told this multiple times, it wasn't until a complete stranger who inspects homes for a living says something that I start to feel that I have a problem. 140 sweaters, y'all. Her words, "Is that a wall of sweaters?" My response, "Um, no. It's um, sweaters. Um.... yes."
  • All of my Blue Hanger shopping partners are completely freaked out. In fact, there is some bedbug bite Stigmata going around and lots of home checks. I feel personally responsible for the stress this is causing on my sweeties and nobody can come to my house until after 4pm on Monday.
  • Taxidermy and vinyl does not withstand 120 degree temperatures, so I have some preparation to do this weekend.
  • If you have any worries or concerns, I'm very confident in the company UT has contracted to exterminate and they do free home checks. I would highly encourage this, because after all of my research I'm absolutely terrified of bedbugs and they seem to be an epidemic everywhere. Jessica even told me that one night stands are at an all time low in New York City because people are afraid of contracting bedbugs. It kind of makes me jealous that my ex only got chlamydia and not bedbugs. After all, antibiotics are cheaper than extermination fees.
  • My bug lady said I was very lucky to have not brought home more buggies after sitting at my desk all day for two months and that most work/home contaminations are caused by laptops since the buggies like warm electronics.

I am traumatized, y'all! Watch this if you're not afraid of getting the heebie geebies. It has some good quotes, "We're not at war with bedbugs. We're at war with Al-Qaeda."

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