Yesterday I was still singing, "I don't like Mondays", but I haven't decided if I will make it "I don't like Wednesdays" for today or not. So far, I'm still blaming Monday.
I really screwed over my mind this weekend and haven't recovered yet, which makes me really mad at myself. I had such a lovely weekend with my family and friends and I shouldn't have anything to wallow about. Perhaps it's the steroids messing with my emotions, but more realistically I'm still dealing with breakup issues. I think the hardest part is knowing that I was more understanding, caring, accommodating, and loving than I think anybody else would have been in my situation and I want my reward for that! I don't get one; I won't get one, and I won't get an apology or any notice of accountability either. I've got to re-learn that again for some reason. I had a stronghold on that for so long, but just the thoughts of the past weekend and feeling like I've lost more out of this than I deserved has really shaken me up. Do people get punished naturally for their actions? I think I'm one of those few that wouldn't be able to let something I did wrong just go...dodge a bullet of guilt and keep running. Like usual, I give it a week and I'll be back to me again.
More importantly, I have a lot of fun planned for the rest of this week and that is what I should be focusing on! Mas Musica!!!! The next two weeks are going to be socially hectic and that should pump me up! Totally excited about Reining Sound, the Wes-a-Paloolza fest this week and next, Lucinda Williams, Man Man, John Spencer Blues Explosion, Laurynn Hill, Danzig...there's just too much too soon. And don't even get me started about the royal wedding!
Onto other things:
I hate it whenever I'm walking and I step on something crunchy. My heart skips a beat and I get terrified that it is a snail or a baby bird. Whenever it happens I never want to look down, because if it is, in fact, what I feared it could be, not only is the imagery stuck in my head, but then I would also have to stop and plan a funeral. This happened to me yesterday evening, but fortunately it was only a Cheetos. (I firmly stand behind my grammar on this one!) I was relieved until I took another few steps and saw a smushed little mouse in the road. I should have taken a photo (for ye old blog), but it looked so strange I was afraid if I hovered over it too long I'd be tempted to touch it and get dead mouse disease. It was the size of one of those pink erasers, but it was soft and brown and smashed flat...poor Marcus the mouse!
I think that is it. I'm in a mood...a funk since last Friday and I've got to get out of it! Maybe some tidbits would help:
- I'd like to watch the royal wedding and drink champagne while doing so, but I don't think this is going to happen since nobody else I know seems to care. Also, I was afraid to ask my English daddy if he was excited about the wedding because I didn't want him to know that I was.
- I've been craving spaghetti and clams for a very long time now and have decided to just kick the bucket and make it for myself. Hmmmm, is "kick the bucket" used right here? Maybe I'm thinking "bite the bullet."
- Here is a photo of my sister and me with our blankets, sucking our fingers as children. I'm the chubby pale one working the thumb