Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Okay, so it's Wednesday (even though I almost typed Tuesday)

I'm in a mood...what's new? I'm going to say that I've officially begun to rely heavily on using "..."

I had a lovely weekend that felt like a stay-cation. Firstly, I'm so happy that my BFF just moved to Austin. Secondly, we had an out of town guest this weekend; Gregg with 3Gs! Thursday night make-outs, Friday night dance parties (with more make-outs), sunbathing at the springs, picnics, pool parties, was really refreshing.

Gregg makes food! I don't think I've ever eaten so much delicious, thoughtful food. 5 spiced tea eggs, scallops 'ala yum, friend green tomatoes, fresh pasta and trout, beats galore (I LOVE beats!), and the most delicious potato salad I've ever had. Who'da thought creme fresh makes for a better tater salad than good 'ole mayo. I had asked for a picnic, but my mind was blown from the magnitude of all the delicious food and an extra homemade dinner thrown in. And, most importantly, it made me feel special since the last time a man cooked for me it was a Tony's frozen pizza.

This week on the other had has been a bit of a mental trampoline. The roller coaster analogy is too dramatic for my emotions since this isn't a real up/down, high/low thing; more of a cause and effect bouncy thing. What'sHisLame, my ex, decided to email me Monday, which screwed with my head big time. Apparently he found art supplies of mine at his house and suggested returning them and going out to dinner to "catch up." While I wanted to respond with a very polite FU, I simply asked him to drop the supplies off in my mailbox. Dear emotionally unavailable men who enter into 3 year relationships without the desire to have a girlfriend, emotional connection, or commitment: please leave us alone whenever we have grown enough balls to dump your loser ass! (because I expect a lot of these men to be reading my blog and listening to me?) Regardless, I've been in a bit of a state since: back to the lack of sleep, emotional outbursts, confusion, anger, desperate need to be with my supportive GFs, etc. I had been in such a great place and was starting to really feel great about things and then this. When someone can't even treat their lover like a friend, why on earth would they think a relationship would exist afterwards. I'm so frustrated with the selfishness. Anyhow, I give myself a week and I should be resolved. Silver lining: I'm proud of myself for being adult, saying no thank you, and doing exactly what I wanted and know is right for me.

Most importantly, I think this weekend taught me a lot about myself. There's this protective, untrusting girl that had been missing for so long, but she's back now. I guess having someone you love treat you without care, concern, or respect can do that to you, but I was thinking I was self-reflective enough to not be so cold anymore. Perhaps I'm a special case since most people know the legend of LD and not the lady. It's hard to feel comfortable being me all the time with everyone, especially if there is a romantic overtone; a risk of disappointment. This is now on the top of my list of things that I need to work on: to be trusting to be me and roll with the expectations of others without judging myself too harshly.

So, back to my lovely weekend:

Friday night din din
Yay, Food!
Matt, Gregg, Pat, Nay Nay, Beth, Mwah

Beth cleaned her plate, but was begging for more.

Friday night dance party:
Interpretive dance?

Topo is just overwhelmed by those moves!

Dance tornado blur blur
The lovely Gina

Ballerina, off the porch, peeing...Klassy 

...hand holding

So, Gina is responsible for taking all the photos with my camera, but this made me realize that I just don't take enough pictures anymore. I carry the camera around in my purse every second, of every day, yet I never use it. I'm gonna change this since I'm sure a boring blog can be spruced up with images!

Here's hoping that the remainder of this week brings me back to where I want to be.

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