Saturday, April 30, 2011

Happy Birthday Willie Nelson

Happy birthday, Willie! Wow, 78- that blows my mind. Here's my favorite:

Speaking of old people... I have a new lady crush on the Queen of England after watching the royal wedding. I was very excited about the whole thing, love the absurdity of hat wear, and won $15 on my bet that the Queen would be wearing yellow. What shocked me the most was how alert and attentive the Queen is at 85. I don't think she will be kicking the bucket anytime soon even though I do have her on my 2011 celebrity death list.

For the past year or so I have been "working" on a children's album that I was going to make for my favorite baby, Posey, on the occasion of her 1st birthday, which was January 31st. John has been excited about the idea whenever I told him months and months ago. I've got about 5 hit songs already written and was going to stop at that, but JJ thinks we should record, tour, and become an international children's success. We'll see where it goes, but There's a Hole in my Butt will be available sometime this year for sure.

Okay, I have more to say, but not the time.........until next time. Also, I'm currently listening to this:

Friday, April 29, 2011

Things That Feel Like Hugs

I like things that make me feel happy being hugged!

-Kitty cat paws on my face while I'm sleeping
-My mum's laugh
-Emails from my grandma
-Fresh, cozy socks
-Hot water on my skin
-Hair...I love seeing hair in jars, on the floor, in armpits. I think hair is very romantic. I like to smell hair.
-Icy beer in the summer time
-Walking into junk shops
-Napping outdoors
-My morning bus driver waving to me as I head off to work. I really want to ask her name, but I'm nervous. I also want to give her presents like homemade jams and flowers on Mother's Day (I just assume she's a mother). She brightens my days by just smiling!

So many things make me feel happy inside and just thinking about them puts me in such a good mood. I woke up delighted this morning for no particular reason.

All these royal wedding pictures are making me really miss kissing my BF. Granted, I don't have a BF and whenever I did he would get annoyed with me trying to kiss him all the time. Also, I have no intention to making out with random dudes, but I like kissing the people I love. I like it a lot and I want to kiss, kiss, kiss someone and pretend to be a princess getting married while doing it.

This picture of cows kissing used to be one of my favorites in college! After I graduated and moved, my friend Chelsea would cut it out and sent it to me every time she saw it in a magazine. I used to have a shoe box filled with cutouts of this cow kiss! I don't think it really does it for me anymore, but I still would like to kiss a cow or be a cow kissing another cow. It would probably make me feel happy inside either way!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Songs With Clapping Parts Make Me Want to Clap Along

I finished my book tonight, My Life as a Russian Novel by Emanuel Carrere. I really enjoyed it, but wish I didn't get so effected by thoughts and words. I'm home, alone, unwilling to go out and spend my evening as planned. A short cry, some radishes with salt, pepper, & goat cheese, and a bubble bath seemed more fitting to my mood. My final resolve: there are men out there, who are unable to exist beyond themselves. Well, men might be a little narrow...there are people out there who are unable to exist beyond themselves without the concern about how they treat others. To those that happen to be men that treat women irresolutely and without empathy, concern, dignity, or respect, I wish this on you: that you have a beautiful and intelligent daughter. I can't see a more fitting punishment than loving someone so wholly; someone who feels and is certain to receive the pain you exacted on those you "loved" before.

My favorite parts:
I can't stand being this peevish child who longs to be consoled, who plays at hatred to win love, threatens to leave to avoid being abandoned. I can't tolerate being like that, and I resent you for making me like that.

But I know myself too well. Before long I'd begin to worry that my jealous and possessive middle-class girlfriend was cutting me off from everything and turning me into a provincial old fart. 

I would like us to have a second, first time.

I learned that I had lost her and I had arranged to lose her without wanting to, but that was even worse than doing it on purpose.

The book came at a good time, like most things that happen in my life. brain works too much and I over analyize things, but I'm glad Anya died, I'm glad Emmanuel had his baby girl, and I'm glad Sophie made her choice. Now, back to the decadence of fiction!   

Candy Canes and Subway Trains

I'm outta the blues!!! My moods are so predictable and pretty much last from Monday-Wednesday. It's just so silly how we can work ourselves up for nothing. I keep telling myself that I have to be benefitting from it somehow or else I would stop...perhaps the benefit is that sometimes I just like being alone and wallowing.

Last night was great, and surely the main reason my blues are gone. Beth made me a yummy dinner at her new place/my old place. I really like being back in that house. It's silly, but being there feels like a hug from grandma. After dinner we went with the gals to Mohawk for Reigning Sound. I was so pumped and we got there at 8pm out of fear that there would be a line, a wait list, a tornado of people, but there were only crickets and boozers left over from happy hour.  I got all sugared up on Roy Rogers' at Casino El Camino while waiting for the show. The bartender told me he was hooking me up with extra cherries...I felt like a little girl again. Here's a picture where my face looks really fat!! ENJOY

Gene Beam, LD, Rutter Butter

Back to Reigning Sound...God, I had a blast last night! I got to hear my Bad Man song and scream and dance with Gina, Beth, Jamie, and Brittany. It was great!

My 3Gs called me last night while we were at Casino. He's a real sweetie! Told me that he was happy to hear my voice sounding cute and happy. It kind of blows my mind and opens my eyes: I should always be sounding cute and happy...I'm a cute and happy person. When he visited I was not the me I love to be, so it is refreshing to think that he got the gist of that and comments whenever I am in good spirits. Also, I primarily send him sad, drunk texts which doesn't aid much with my good spirits so I'm glad he heard the happy voice. Regardless, I still have a crush and it was nice to have a quick little chat. He told me about playing with Reigning Sound and fun summer band plans. He's going to Chili next month. Funny, I just got all worked up about finally taking a vacation and going to Philly this summer and this boy runs off to Chili (Philly-Chili rhyme time y'all!). I'm not a home body, but I'm definitely not as adventurous as I'd like to be. My science brain views vacations as taking risks or making compromising arrangements in life...I just need to let go more and live a little! Hell, why not take the plunge and live a lot!? Here's an oldie pic of me with Gregg from a few SXSW's ago:

Erggg, my face doesn't look very colorful

My Life as a Russian Novel, the Emmanuel Carrere autobiography I'm reading, is really working me up and I can't wait to finish it. I'm enjoying it, but think it's strange that I'm reading the autobiography of someone I have no clue about; makes it feel more like a novel. Anyhow, I had wanted to read The Moustache, but the library never has it in stock so I took this one instead. It's kind of racy! Also, someone was just hacked to death with an ax in Russia; real life.

I have a tattoo consultation appointment tonight and then more music, music, music. I don't know if Gina and I can handle another late night on the town, but that's what's on the books so it's happening. Wes, Vivian Girls, and Black Lips tonight. I'm so over the Black Lips mainly because the last show I went to was full of kiddies with big black X's on their hands, a nudie tween boy trying to pee in his own mouth on stage...I seriously think there had to be 13 year olds's music for your little brother. Anyhow, this SXSW I finally told the boys my beer bottle breaking trick they'd been pining for since way back in the H-town ruckus days. One time I successfully broke the beer bottle over my head, but managed to slice my finger into some shrapnel-ridden looking twig...oh the wild days of LD. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if they've been able to perfect it these last few weeks. I'm not looking for a blast tonight, just gonna be that nudie tween boy's mum sitting on the bleachers resting my feet. Besides, I have to rest up for the royal wedding tomorrow!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Tell Me Why, It's Only Wednesday!

Since Monday, I've had this song in my head:

Yesterday I was still singing, "I don't like Mondays", but I haven't decided if I will make it "I don't like Wednesdays" for today or not. So far, I'm still blaming Monday.

I really screwed over my mind this weekend and haven't recovered yet, which makes me really mad at myself. I had such a lovely weekend with my family and friends and I shouldn't have anything to wallow about. Perhaps it's the steroids messing with my emotions, but more realistically I'm still dealing with breakup issues. I think the hardest part is knowing that I was more understanding, caring, accommodating, and loving than I think anybody else would have been in my situation and I want my reward for that! I don't get one; I won't get one, and I won't get an apology or any notice of accountability either. I've got to re-learn that again for some reason. I had a stronghold on that for so long, but just the thoughts of the past weekend and feeling like I've lost more out of this than I deserved has really shaken me up. Do people get punished naturally for their actions? I think I'm one of those few that wouldn't be able to let something I did wrong just a bullet of guilt and keep running. Like usual, I give it a week and I'll be back to me again.

More importantly, I have a lot of fun planned for the rest of this week and that is what I should be focusing on! Mas Musica!!!! The next two weeks are going to be socially hectic and that should pump me up! Totally excited about Reining Sound, the Wes-a-Paloolza fest this week and next, Lucinda Williams, Man Man, John Spencer Blues Explosion, Laurynn Hill, Danzig...there's just too much too soon. And don't even get me started about the royal wedding!

Onto other things:
I hate it whenever I'm walking and I step on something crunchy. My heart skips a beat and I get terrified that it is a snail or a baby bird. Whenever it happens I never want to look down, because if it is, in fact, what I feared it could be, not only is the imagery stuck in my head, but then I would also have to stop and plan a funeral. This happened to me yesterday evening, but fortunately it was only a Cheetos. (I firmly stand behind my grammar on this one!) I was relieved until I took another few steps and saw a smushed little mouse in the road. I should have taken a photo (for ye old blog), but it looked so strange I was afraid if I hovered over it too long I'd be tempted to touch it and get dead mouse disease. It was the size of one of those pink erasers, but it was soft and brown and smashed flat...poor Marcus the mouse!

I think that is it. I'm in a mood...a funk since last Friday and I've got to get out of it! Maybe some tidbits would help:


- I'd like to watch the royal wedding and drink champagne while doing so, but I don't think this is going to happen since nobody else I know seems to care. Also, I was afraid to ask my English daddy if he was excited about the wedding because I didn't want him to know that I was.

- I've been craving spaghetti and clams for a very long time now and have decided to just kick the bucket and make it for myself. Hmmmm, is "kick the bucket" used right here? Maybe I'm thinking "bite the bullet."

- Here is a photo of my sister and me with our blankets, sucking our fingers as children. I'm the chubby pale one working the thumb

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Old Crawfish...same tricks

Here's a pic I just found online from the East Side Crawfish boil with JJ a few weekends back. I was under the impression that my shirt was less see-through (or at least that's my story!)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Monday, Monday, Monday

I spent this past weekend in Houston, as a means of avoidance, but had a lovely time with the family nonetheless. I got my requisite meal at Mamacita's with Beth's mother and afterwards Beth, Matt, Nigel, and I went to my mum and dad's house for the standard wildlife show. Upon arrival, a baby possum startled the boys and played dead right outside my mum's door. There were possums and raccoons fighting over cat food, my mum telling Matt about her animal heaven, the 13 cats (1.Helene 2.Katie 3.Mikey 4.Sonny 5.Dexter 6.Simeon 7.Odessa 8.Bridgette 9.Max 10.Stuart 11.Ambush 12.Thommy 13.Abbey), and a near fight to the death between Nigel and Roland (the stuffed rat my dad is very fond of).

Friday night was lovely! Matt and my dad played guitar until 1:30am while Beth, mum, and me kept the beer flowing and dancing going. I truly love my parents and spending time with them like this, but it made me feel a little blue. Beth brings home the good guy who gets along and impresses them, while I've only brought home the antisocial, rude ones that roll their eyes at cat stories, Twitter about how crazy we are, and constantly complain about how there isn't anything fun to do. I know it's just another reason for me not to be sad about my recent breakup, as it only enforces what a jerk I was dating whenever he couldn't even try to be nice to my family and always talked about how much he dislikes his own wonderful family.

Saturday I went to my real father's house for his annual family crawfish boil. It was the first one I've attended in over 6 years and is compromised of his wife's Louisiana family. It was nice to see a lot of faces I had forgotten as well as my sister and her family. I'm not the biggest crawfish fan, but I do eat and like them. I must have been a disappointment at peeling to the pros because everyone kept trying to help me out and peel my mud bugs for me.

With my "little brother" Max

My pregnant sister

My nephew Stephen

My father, nephew, and brother-in-law working the crawfish

Max again!

Easter egg hunt!

Saturday was a rough day for me. I think it's ridiculous how I physche myself out. I had a nice time with my father and didn't have any reason to be sad, but I was. It was the ex's birthday and there's still that strange hope that I have about something shocking his mind into reality. I know I am in a great position and don't want anything from him, but sometimes my brain still gets all wrapped up and warped. It's also hard having holiday traditions and memories that aren't there anymore; knowing I don't get invited to the regular festivites and the friends I made through and with him aren't mine anymore. Anyhow, whenever I returned to my mum's house Beth, Matt, and the Easter bunny had surprised me with a sweet little Easter basket and kitty cat salt and pepper shakers. It cheered me up and I cried like a happy little baby. We had another family jam fest Saturday night...I really am so lucky to have such fun, caring, and outgoing parents.

Sunday morning Easter brunch with Beth's Dad at Lacey's yummy! I had a windy, sunny ride back to Austin afterwards which was so relaxing. I love the way hot summer winds feel and can't wait to live outdoors this year. It's official: this summer will be the best of my life so deal with it!

My mum fell in love with Nigel and Nigel was in love with the constant buffet of cat food. This, however, resulted in a very uncomfortable car ride home. Poor Nigel had the poos and got so freaked out trying to ask us to pull the car over so he could go. Needless to say, there was an accident-induced pit stop on the side of the freeway. Reminded me of road trips with my cats, which always resulted in the same situation.

Nigel's so happy to be "going"

So, it's Monday and this is going to be a great week...

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My mum is the prettiest lady I know! This photo was taken on the day Elvis died.
Daddy's playing the guitar with Matt! Beth's dancing with my mum...I'm on my 7th beer and playing waitress....I love my family!!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Overall, a B+

As my mum would say, "Shoe Weee" yesterday was a day. Overall, I'd give it a B+ though, and that looks pretty good on my report card. It sure as hell ended with extra credit and a happy girl. (oops, but i did send sad and desperate texts at the end of the night...I blame the roids.)

My steroids are driving me insane. I haven't been sleeping and can't seem to concentrate; my temperament is very out of whack for me. Today I saw the number 8 and it didn't register in my mind as a number. I thought for about 14 seconds, "what does that squiggle mean?" That's how nutso I'm feeling. I had a little bit of a melt down yesterday afternoon and threw a tantrum at the office. My keyboard wasn't working and I just pounded on it and screamed. The boss gave me a wireless one this morning and things have smoothed over on that front. Still self medicating with soft fuzzies like this:

Brawhhhhggg...I'm a dog!
(side note: that dog looks the way the steroids make me feel in my mind and body)

Yesterday started rough and was wonderfully broken up with Lela lunch, but then I got all pissy and cranky and hating technology. I complained to Beth and Gina for hours (while working diligently, of course!) Poor ladies. After work they whisked me away to the Tigress while I roid raged about everything. I've decided, I should video my rages because they're pretty darn funny and might make good material for Vest Friends, my comedy troupe. After 2 moscow mules, my emotions were in check and I was ready for my lady date with Cara. I rode in a convertible, drank pink champagne, ate fancy cheeses and meats, and ended the night with Jager classy and a blast. I'm in love with all of my girlfriends so much right now that my cats are feeling neglected. It's great :)

Getting excited about Austin's LUPEC chapter. Beth is doing a great job organizing things and while I wasn't confident at first, after our Tigress discussion with Pam, the owner, I am pumped. We will have our board meeting in a couple of weeks, so ladies if you like socializing with women and drinking awesome cocktails.....get ready! The invitations will be on their way. And with Pam's homemade, barrel-aged mescal that we tasted last night....shoe weeee it's gonna be good.

Another interesting thing last night, Adrienne asked for a photo to send to a friend to confirm that I'm attractive enough for a potential set up. Ugh, this is such a strange place for me, but I got so nervous and anxious about the photo. Beth quickly took this, which I think is just fine.

Cara and the girls had an interesting response to the image and, I agree, its just so, "Hi, I'm a person and this is my face"; no personality. I'm really hoping that sending photos to potential dates isn't something that I "do" now. It's just not my style and I'm not even that interested in jumping into the misery of dating, but also I'm having a blast right now being me so why the hell not. It pisses me off to think of all the me criticism I took over the last year from my ex, so I'm in a "take it or leave it, I rule" stage! Lindsey took this great "personality" pic that I think I'll choose next time it is requested to validate appearance.

Thoughts? This is my sexy face, which I learned last night apparently isn't as sexy as I thought it was. Hmmm...

I'm happy, I'm excited, ugggggh I'm in love with my ladies and dating the hell out of them. Even got to bump into Karen last night, which was great too. I'm making a list and you girls that haven't had enough LD time yet will be soon! Broken Spoke ladies night here we come!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Amelia Bedelia

I have really vivid dreams and sometimes have a hard time remembering what was real and what was a part of the dream. My neighborhood homeless man was in my dream last night. I stumbled upon his nice sewer shelter that he had remodeled to include a skylight. (He poked a hole in the sewer manhole cover, he explained). There was also a sweet lost kitty named Evan in my dream and her owner's phone number was 580-942-x743. Its nuts that I remember all but one digit of the number on the kitten's tag. Anyhow, it just crossed my mind that I needed to return Evan after work and then I remembered it was just a dream.

I'm hopped up on steroids and am already getting irritable. I warned the boss and the friends are already familiar with my roid range, but ewww weeee I'm in a mood! Right now I'm self medicating with fuzzy animal videos. I think I could watch baby racoons taking bathes all day, every day, for the rest of my life.

Lunch today with my lovely Lela and ladies night tonight with Cara. I'm excited....I need some lady time. Actually, I think all I ever have is lady time. There was lady time last night, and lady time Tuesday night. Oh, and Monday was lady time too. I love my ladies!

So, I cashed some savings bonds yesterday from my Great Grandmother that my father had sent me. I don't know much about her, but do remember a short visit to Philadelphia when I was a kid. I guess I either didn't know, or never thought about it, but her name is Amelia which is one of my top 5 favorite names. Cecilia was very nearly named Amelia. It has put me into a research and discovery mood to learn about Great Grandma Amelia. Also, I've always wanted to go to the Philadelphia Museum of Art to see my favorite piece of art, Etant Donnes by Marcel Duchamp. About 2 years ago they had a retrospective and exhibited it, but I wasn't in the position to go at the time. I'm still kicking myself about it. But now, I've made a promise to myself and G.Gma Amelia that I will go to Philly, see the sights, and revel in Duchamp. I've been wanting to have a soul searching vacation by myself for a while now, so perhaps this could be it!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Palisaded Neutrophilic and Granulomatous Dermatitis

ARGGGH.....if you have it, give me a call.

So, I'm diseased ridden like a rat. Most people don't know this about me, because it's pretty well controlled by immunosuppressants, steroids, a strong positive mental attitude, and additional medical miracles. I've had Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disorder and Sjogren's Syndrome for over a decade now, and most recently in November was diagnosed with Palisaded Neutrophilic and Granulomatous Dermatitis. I wish these things had common names like "Shitty rash that hurts like a tattoo" or "My mouth is so dry I can't eat pretzels/crackers disease." Anyhow, I'm coming out of my don't-complain-it-could-be-much-worse shell to bitch about the PNGD which does absolutely nothing besides causing a painful, hive-looking rash on my thighs that feels like I'm getting a constant tattoo. It doesn't itch, it doesn't spread, it isn't caused by anything is becoming a personal hell for me. My dermatologist told me there were 10,000 known cases, so if you ever hear about someone having this (or google searched and found my blog and you have it!!!!) I could really use some sort of bitch-fest.

So, today my lovely doctor has doubled my steroids in hopes of bashing the rash. It's like a catch 22: if it works then great, I'm on this high dose forever. If it doesn't work, then let's just up the dose again. If you've never taken steroids, then you're lucky. It's awful! I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, I can't keep my emotions in check, and to top it all off I feel like a giant, swollen, sausage in a sweaty track suit.

I think I might try acupuncture, as recommended by sweet hippy B, but I'm running out of sanity. One a brighter side, it could be worse! I could have:

-a conjoined twin
-allergy to hippos
-a petrified, unborn, fetus in my body
-that hairy face thing that makes dog boys
-a hatred of all green vegetables
...and the list goes on!

Reader's Remorse

I had been reading an autobiography by Helmut Newton for the last month or so and really dreading it. I've never found his photography vulgar or crass, but once I started the book I quickly hated his writing. The first half of the book talks about his youthful days of screwing around, except he prefers stronger, fouler words. While I don't have the cleanest mouth around, all his F-bombs and talk of erections were draining. And, since much of his photographic work could be classified as "erotic fashion," I should have anticipated the vulgarity. Anyhow, I finished yesterday. Well, I finished 75% of it and had to stop; it was killing my brain. So, that leads me up to this morning, when I was excitedly ready to start reading Tobias Wolff's collection of short stories, Back in the World. I opened the first story and read about four sentences and it was all too familiar. I skipped ahead, reading the first paragraph of every story in the book and then realized I had already read the entire book. This is the story of my life.... Regardless, I loved all the stories the first time around if you're looking for an easy read with slightly quirky, off, unexpected, and perhaps depressing stories of abnormal folks like us. So, back to the drawing board to read Tess of the d'Ubervilles, a classic I've never read.

I'm obsessed with if you're interested in my bookish life:

Monday, April 18, 2011

Monday, Monday, Monday

Having a rough Monday. This weekend is my Boris's 11th birthday and I think that is causing some trouble emotionally. Oh, how fast they grow up!

With my sweet 'lil boo, Boris

Generally speaking, it was a lovely weekend. Sweet B gave me her car while she went out of town, so I got to get lots of errands done. Okay, who am I fooling?! I didn't get any errands done! Friday started off with happy hour with the friends and ended at the bar's closing...laundry with one of my favorite ladies was done in between, however. Enjoyed the beautiful weather outdoors Saturday with a craw fish boil. Here are some cute pics AT took of Matt and I:

Those glasses were obviously stolen from a small child!

I bruise like the sweet peach I am...look at those bruise leopard legs!

I spent all day vomiting Sunday. Not sure if it was due to food poisoning, a hangover, a migraine, or some combination of all three. Essentially I wasted the entire day in bed and that makes me sad too.

- I prefer blog TIDBITS over everything else
-I saw 3 things today that made me happy:
     1. an old hunchbacked professor eating a Wendy's frosty like a kid
     2. the first man in flip flops I would ever date! He was a handsome, middle-aged, professorial type and was wearing hip jeans with a nice shirt, tie, and jacket....with the dorkiest flip flops ever! I'd give 'em a shot even though that was the #1 on my list of no-no dating rules. Gina told me never to say, 'never' and now I might just have to listen to her.
    3. a blind man's service dog who really, really had to poop. The poor dog kept trying to pull him over to the grass and he was tugging the dog away to keep walking. I didn't think it was appropriate to inform the gentleman of his own dog's bowels. Regardless, the dog just went....dropped it out on the sidewalk while he was walking. Not a moment's peace for the working dog.

-I don't know where to put this outrageously huge, gaudy frame. Here's Gina's suggestion:

In the stairwell? Now I just need a ladder to hang it!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I Like it Here

Waking up Saturday on my terms feels so great! I can take as long as I want weighing myself on the scale, checking for blatant technological failures. I can eat pineapple and Frito's for breakfast with stale champagne and flavored mineral water to replenish the bubbles, of course, and I can listen to Nick Cave as loud as I want with my windows open while dancing naked..."Little Janey wakes up and says, 'we're gonna have a real good time tonight."

I love my friends and they have always been so supportive and insightful with regards to relationship troubles. Me, on the other hand, I steer clear from giving relationship advice to my friends. I think my role should be to listen, be the shoulder to cry on, and perhaps give them another perspective they couldn't see from the inside. I'm the "wait 24 hours, girl" type of advice giver. I think its more important to evaluate the cause of emotions or conflict instead of scrambling for the resolution. Perhaps that isn't the best way to make things work, but it keeps me sane and I was able to happily(mostly) continue in a relationship for 3 years with a reality-avoiding, overextended, egotist......Cut to the chase: Last night I was in the advice giving position for 3 of my friends and waking up this morning it makes me wonder why people get themselves so worked up over silly things. I just wanted my ex to show minimum concern and obligation for my well being while I was in the hospital. My point is, that although I was madly in love with an asshole and my soul is blacker now as a result, the next lucky fella will certainly be getting the best of the best, so I should gingerly brush off the bullshit and so should my gal pals.


-I love peeing outside and did so last night at the bar to great fanfare. I asked an employee permission first, of course

-After years of waiting....I've decided to get that damn pigeon tattoo I've always wanted. The best part is that my GF Adrienne said that if I ever got it, she would want to get a Mike Tyson tattoo to compliment it. Pics will surely follow.

-I'm going to a craw fish boil today and another one next Saturday. Ugggg, I can't get pumped about it and would rather bring on the oysters while we still can (R months).

-My Grandma is a really awesome lady. She's always giving me advice like: "Just look at Sandy Bullock, She'll be dealing with that heartbreak forever so she got a baby to replace the love. Just like when a kitten dies, you replace it. Baby girl, get a man before you bed turns cold." She also sends me lovely, lace thongs and I haven't had to purchase any panties in over two years.

-Nick Cave is firing up my loins this weekend..."you better hold onto yourself!"

Thursday, April 14, 2011

"Once bread becomes toast it can never be bread again"

My new moto!

Tidbits for Thursday

So, the mood is lifting and once again I'm reminded of how much I love my friends, family, and life. It's really important to know that the people you love will be there for you, and that's the case with everyone currently in my life.

Okay, here are some tidbits:

-Last night I experienced my first Ambien sleep walking, eating, texting, etc. I thought I'd take my pill and finish up some work around the house while I waited for it to kick in. I woke up this morning and had apparently watched a movie, texted some friends, played solitaire, made a date for tonight, and, most importantly, cooked and ate a veggie sausage. I've decided to quit the Ambien and hopefully won't be affected too badly.

-I've successfully planted my spring garden! The tomatoes are blooming, the lettuces are peaking their heads out, and my basil is flourishing. Now, if I could only get the catnip and cat grass to grow so the kitties can have their own spring garden.

-My real father has started a new job in DFW and called me yesterday to talk about it. During this conversation he also told me that he would be sending me $1,000 to put into my "tooth fund". This is a fund that I set up as a way to save money for the lovely fake teeth I am buying for myself.

-This past weekend was amazing for my personal growth. I thought to blame my ex for a failed relationship due to his insecurities and constant insistence that he have the upper hand in the relationship at all times: his rules regarding friends and my behavior, his schedule, his social life, his relationship issues that he didn't want to fix, and me in the back seat the entire time just accepting it. But then I realized, after looking at my last 4 or 5 men, that I too am guilty of picking people who I have an "upper hand" with in the relationship. Most importantly, socially and intellectually speaking. I'm an outgoing person who says and does as I please, and my friends love me for that. Yet, I chose people who are socially awkward, unable to maintain the center of attention without gimics, lack meaningful or deep relationships with their friends, etc. Anyhow, after spending the weekend with 3Gs, I've realized that I want a person who engages their crowd, is worldly, intelligent, passionate, hilarious, and adaptable. Of course, this means that I won't always posses the limelight, but that's okay with me; lots of times I use gimics to maintain that attention anyhow ;)

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Okay, so it's Wednesday (even though I almost typed Tuesday)

I'm in a mood...what's new? I'm going to say that I've officially begun to rely heavily on using "..."

I had a lovely weekend that felt like a stay-cation. Firstly, I'm so happy that my BFF just moved to Austin. Secondly, we had an out of town guest this weekend; Gregg with 3Gs! Thursday night make-outs, Friday night dance parties (with more make-outs), sunbathing at the springs, picnics, pool parties, was really refreshing.

Gregg makes food! I don't think I've ever eaten so much delicious, thoughtful food. 5 spiced tea eggs, scallops 'ala yum, friend green tomatoes, fresh pasta and trout, beats galore (I LOVE beats!), and the most delicious potato salad I've ever had. Who'da thought creme fresh makes for a better tater salad than good 'ole mayo. I had asked for a picnic, but my mind was blown from the magnitude of all the delicious food and an extra homemade dinner thrown in. And, most importantly, it made me feel special since the last time a man cooked for me it was a Tony's frozen pizza.

This week on the other had has been a bit of a mental trampoline. The roller coaster analogy is too dramatic for my emotions since this isn't a real up/down, high/low thing; more of a cause and effect bouncy thing. What'sHisLame, my ex, decided to email me Monday, which screwed with my head big time. Apparently he found art supplies of mine at his house and suggested returning them and going out to dinner to "catch up." While I wanted to respond with a very polite FU, I simply asked him to drop the supplies off in my mailbox. Dear emotionally unavailable men who enter into 3 year relationships without the desire to have a girlfriend, emotional connection, or commitment: please leave us alone whenever we have grown enough balls to dump your loser ass! (because I expect a lot of these men to be reading my blog and listening to me?) Regardless, I've been in a bit of a state since: back to the lack of sleep, emotional outbursts, confusion, anger, desperate need to be with my supportive GFs, etc. I had been in such a great place and was starting to really feel great about things and then this. When someone can't even treat their lover like a friend, why on earth would they think a relationship would exist afterwards. I'm so frustrated with the selfishness. Anyhow, I give myself a week and I should be resolved. Silver lining: I'm proud of myself for being adult, saying no thank you, and doing exactly what I wanted and know is right for me.

Most importantly, I think this weekend taught me a lot about myself. There's this protective, untrusting girl that had been missing for so long, but she's back now. I guess having someone you love treat you without care, concern, or respect can do that to you, but I was thinking I was self-reflective enough to not be so cold anymore. Perhaps I'm a special case since most people know the legend of LD and not the lady. It's hard to feel comfortable being me all the time with everyone, especially if there is a romantic overtone; a risk of disappointment. This is now on the top of my list of things that I need to work on: to be trusting to be me and roll with the expectations of others without judging myself too harshly.

So, back to my lovely weekend:

Friday night din din
Yay, Food!
Matt, Gregg, Pat, Nay Nay, Beth, Mwah

Beth cleaned her plate, but was begging for more.

Friday night dance party:
Interpretive dance?

Topo is just overwhelmed by those moves!

Dance tornado blur blur
The lovely Gina

Ballerina, off the porch, peeing...Klassy 

...hand holding

So, Gina is responsible for taking all the photos with my camera, but this made me realize that I just don't take enough pictures anymore. I carry the camera around in my purse every second, of every day, yet I never use it. I'm gonna change this since I'm sure a boring blog can be spruced up with images!

Here's hoping that the remainder of this week brings me back to where I want to be.

Pug Mug

My day summed up by a coffee mug

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Got massages, boiled peanuts, watched a movie...I love my friends.

It's gonna be hard to open up again; to trust. Whenever you give your real self away and it's crushed, you don't really feel like it's worth it the 3rd time around. I'm looking for a lot, I think, but I'm hoping to find it.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

Breakup Haircut

I'm surprisingly in an amazing mental state regarding my breakup. I thought after 3 years, I'd be in an emotional state much longer than a month and a half. (Perhaps that is a measure of the character of the man I was with) Regardless, I'm feeling great, excited about the changes in my life, and wanted that to be reflected on the outside too. Also, like I had said before, I love me some breakup haircuts!

I've had the same look, more or less, for the last 4 years and always loved that my hair color matched What'shislame's beard color. I have very straight hair and have always rocked the long hair, side-swept bangs, light brown with blonde highlights, and layers. My hairdresser is a good friend on mine and she's absolutely amazing. The first thing that had to go was my color and everything else was her choice. The new look is a chocolate brown with light brown and blondish highlights. I have so many grey hairs and Pam is just amazing at making highlights blend in new grey! We cut about 5 inches of layers off and the bangs are now heavy and straight, which I've always loved on other people. I'm not completely sold on the bangs, but I'll get used to them and I love the darker color. Of course these aren't dramatic before and after photos, but I'm feeling better and lookin' good!

BEFORE (with Peelander Green!!)


Pam works at Vanity Salon here in Austin if you'd like to book an appointment with her. She's magical!